Rebuilding My Life

I was archiving my December 2002 journal entries tonight, and it was so apparant that I’ve grown tremendously as a person since then, and especially in my ability to write journal entries (not that I think all that highly of my writing skills now). I can certainly see so much progress that I’ve made in the past year just by reading what I felt like sharing back then. To be honest, I find most of it to be rendered quite meaningless today because of the way I delivered my messages.
Things have been eroding in various ways as of late. I have to take responsibility for it, for I’ve been complacent. I’m working to correct things now. Perhaps it was a subconscious need for a fight, for a chance to break things all down and rebuild my life. I think it’s not such an odd thing to want. I want to be humbled and have to strive for what I get. I’ve never had to do that in life, really, and I think I crave it in some ways. However, I can’t allow that to become too destructive.
I have quite a task ahead of me in the rebuilding of my life. I’ve started pouring the mortar, and I’m gathering stones to place into the new walls. Amethist, jasper, agate, amber and turquoise will strengthen my sanctuary, enclosing me in an aura of change and healing. I’ll rest within the walls and search the forests beyond for hope.
I’m ready finally to run through the thorns, to come out bloody and stronger. It’s my chance to take a charging stand and crash into my fears. I’ll dance with each of them and then banish them as ghosts. No more whispers in my ears but the sweet songs of muses.
We all need to become students and teachers of the noble arts. There’s nothing as rewarding as forming and living in a community based on compassion and learning. This has to be the first step towards bettering all our lives, along with accomodating personal growth. Obsticles can be toppled, and swords written out of existance.
I carry the moon in my heart, and I warm my mind with the sun. A forest of leaves grows tall in my bones, and a thousand fireflies fly through my veins. Moths inhabit my lungs. My eyes pool holy love.

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