http://www.post-gazette.com/columnists/20030730sam0730p1.asp
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn’t gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn’t always lock his front door. He wears Dockers. You hardly know he’s there.
And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you’ve seen mowing the yard is his spouse.
Allow me to introduce Canada.
The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they’re up there, but they’ve been busy doing some surprising things. It’s like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine.
Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn’t willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren’t angrily changed to include “freedom bacon,” because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.
And then there’s the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it’s smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.
Now, here’s the part that I, as an American, can’t understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the ’70s, but I’m sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.) They don’t even have a death penalty!
And yet … nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns — brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America — but my theory is that the surge in pot-smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They’re probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.
And then there’s the most reckless move of all: Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.
This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It’s supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.
But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?
Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada’s government isn’t influenced by large, well-organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.
Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States.
These are all things we’ve been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound.
Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult — more secure. They aren’t afraid of foreigners. They aren’t afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they’re not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.
14 comments on “It’s not just the weather that’s cooler in Canada”
great article 🙂
🙂 I thought so too.
Re: America is that Cool in Spots
I’m sure there are pockets of good places to live in the US, just like there are in every nation. The article was written by an American who is disgusted by his or her own nation. I made no indication that they were my own words. While I agree with most points, the intent was to simply share someone else’s article.
Everything is not perfect here, but I and many others are working to make Canada an even better place to live, just like the good people in the US are doing there (though they certainly have a much harder battle ahead of them).
We will always have to battle discrimination of all sorts, because there will always be ignorance. No one is fooling ourselves here, we know we have to be vigalent to ensure we move forward and not allow the wrong ideals to seep out from pockets of hate.
I don’t believe anyone is better than any other person, though some of us have more noble action and thoughts to release.
I agree, borders should be dismantled when they can be, though if our border allows us to build a better society by keeping negaive aspects out then it is a necessary burden.
We should of course be united in all things, and work to better the lives of everyone.
I spoke ill of no one in recent days, so I do not see where that comment had its root. Could you explain?
Yes, speech, thoughts and words are very powerful, and I believe I use them quite responsibly. If you could show me how I have not, I would appreciate it.
I always strive to choose my words with great care.
If you would like to read my response to this artice that I posted in my public journal, then you may read it at http://www.frozentruth.com/index.php/item/687
Re: America is that Cool in Spots
After I read that is was an article, I deleted the posting believing it was your words and not someone else’s the comment was deleted.
I just get tired of people bashing America even Americans bashing our own country..It sucks, honestly wouldn’t you be tired of it. (i’m sure you are with the amount of Canadian jokes there are out there) I’mjust one tired american, since I live in California, which is the laughing stock of the states due to the recent govener recall race. it’s a mess. i was just mad, it happens.
~darke
Re: America is that Cool in Spots
I can understand that having people bash your nation must be difficult. Though I encounter that extremely rarely for my own, I can understand it must be hard. Those of us in other countries, and even your own, need to keep in mind that there are Americans fighting to regain a peaceul and just nation.
There are Canadian jokes? I haven’t heard more than maybe one outside of Southpark (a show made by a Canadian and highlighting American culture).
Yeah, that whole governor’s race seems really strange. From what I understand, they guy who held the office was doing an ok job, he just was being screwed over by the federal government’s actions, which are forcing most states to near bankrupt conditions.
Re: America is that Cool in Spots
i’m not sure that you heard that he cut eduction by nearly 35% thats what really pissed me off. It’s goign to be 35$ a unit now,and thats just at JC colleges..The Universitys are making huge HUGE increases in tuition. It’s not fair for students, it’s not fair for parents of th students. More nad more grant money is being cut. i’m pissed I want my education at a resonable cost to me. I have to pay for it. Iknow that not everything is fair, but education shouldn’t be something that suffers.
Re: America is that Cool in Spots
Yeah, education is always a big concern. Here we have some conservatives in power provincially and now have the highest tuition rates in the whole country. While no where near as bad as there, it’s still a huge drain on students’ lives.
Education is key to a strong economy, one can not improve without a strong education system. Tax cuts be damned, pay for schooling.
Education and public healthcare should be the primary services a government provides (outside of law enforcement, of course), so it always troubles me when a government takes money away from either in order to fund non-necessities.
Re: America is that Cool in Spots
Here Here!!! I agree demmit.
~darke
Ah, superb article!
[Not just cause it puts Canada in good light, but it was well buildt up, ooh, I love a well done piece like that, thanks for the read!]
I really thought it was well done too.
Those damn Canadians. 😛
😉 No, we are far from damned, we’re very blessed!
Heh, good article. Gives me chuckles.
I found it chuckle worthy too. 🙂