It’s great having the house to myself… no parents and no sibling… it’s so quiet and relaxing without them around all the time. Being stuck either here or at work for 2 months has made me a bit sick of them… 8 months away is missed much more now. It’s not that I mind being around them, or that they do anything specific to annoy me. It’s just that I’ve been around these same 3 people all my life and once I finally had a taste of not having to be around them all the time it has made me want that now that I’m shoved back into the too-same days. In Halifax I always had the options of going to so many different parts of the city, even if I didn’t take advantage of it as often as I should. Here I’m stuck in this house or at work, always relying on my parents to go anywhere. I do love the forest behind the house but it’s not a true escape since I know it too well.
What annoyed me a lot today was an e-mail my dad sent me today that said:
“I would like to have you offer to do some things around home once in a while rather than having to ask you. There are always small chores that take up my time that you could help with that I would greatly appreciate. I hope this doesn’t sound too negative. I do trust and love you but sometimes I feel we are kind of taken for granted. We have made a big committment to your education and want the best for you and hope you will make the most of your opportunities in life. Sometimes I wonder if you realize how fortunate you are?”
That hurt a surprising amount. It’s as if he doesn’t acknowledge all the hard work and effort I put into EVERYTHING I have been doing. He knows I work 8 or 9 hours a day doing physical labor yet he expects the same when I’m home? It’s not like I ever just relax for very long. I’m always doing something productive, at least in my opinion. I’m not my sister, who bakes once a week and then is able to not do anything the rest of the time. They let her walk all over most times yet they’re giving me a hard time for not just doing random things they think I should without being asked? And that’s such bullshit. I often do things around the house but that seems to be ignored.
I know they’ve done a whole lot for me and I’m very thankful for that. I know, however, that I’ve had to do so much for myself that they don’t seem to acknowledge. I’m the one who has worked almost every day of the past 4 summers in order to survive at university. Yes, they give me a roof over my head and food to eat, I’m thankful for that, I know I couldn’t do everything I can without their support in that way, yet as much as they’ve helped me, they’ve also hindered me in some ways. Look at where I grew up… in the middle of the sticks with no people into anything like me. That certainly caused many problems for me throughout school because I simply didn’t have anyone my age around who had any real depth. Looking at the people around here now, maybe 2 or 3 I would want to be friends with…
They really don’t realize who I am, I truly don’t think they do. After 19 years they simply don’t. I think that’s what bothers me most, that they can’t seem to understand what my priorities and goals are, what I want to be doing, what my limits and strengths are. It’s not like I’ve been very open about them. It’s mostly because I think they just wouldn’t get it. In a way they have a shallowness in them that I never noticed before. They’ve been stressing “success” and bullshit like that a bit more often… And not really picking up my apathy towards things that have no meaning to me.
End rant…
What annoyed me a lot today was an e-mail my dad sent me today that said:
“I would like to have you offer to do some things around home once in a while rather than having to ask you. There are always small chores that take up my time that you could help with that I would greatly appreciate. I hope this doesn’t sound too negative. I do trust and love you but sometimes I feel we are kind of taken for granted. We have made a big committment to your education and want the best for you and hope you will make the most of your opportunities in life. Sometimes I wonder if you realize how fortunate you are?”
That hurt a surprising amount. It’s as if he doesn’t acknowledge all the hard work and effort I put into EVERYTHING I have been doing. He knows I work 8 or 9 hours a day doing physical labor yet he expects the same when I’m home? It’s not like I ever just relax for very long. I’m always doing something productive, at least in my opinion. I’m not my sister, who bakes once a week and then is able to not do anything the rest of the time. They let her walk all over most times yet they’re giving me a hard time for not just doing random things they think I should without being asked? And that’s such bullshit. I often do things around the house but that seems to be ignored.
I know they’ve done a whole lot for me and I’m very thankful for that. I know, however, that I’ve had to do so much for myself that they don’t seem to acknowledge. I’m the one who has worked almost every day of the past 4 summers in order to survive at university. Yes, they give me a roof over my head and food to eat, I’m thankful for that, I know I couldn’t do everything I can without their support in that way, yet as much as they’ve helped me, they’ve also hindered me in some ways. Look at where I grew up… in the middle of the sticks with no people into anything like me. That certainly caused many problems for me throughout school because I simply didn’t have anyone my age around who had any real depth. Looking at the people around here now, maybe 2 or 3 I would want to be friends with…
They really don’t realize who I am, I truly don’t think they do. After 19 years they simply don’t. I think that’s what bothers me most, that they can’t seem to understand what my priorities and goals are, what I want to be doing, what my limits and strengths are. It’s not like I’ve been very open about them. It’s mostly because I think they just wouldn’t get it. In a way they have a shallowness in them that I never noticed before. They’ve been stressing “success” and bullshit like that a bit more often… And not really picking up my apathy towards things that have no meaning to me.
End rant…
2 comments on “…Silence is beauty…”
I’m so sorry to hear that Apollo.
There’s nothing worse than not being appreciated, and I don’t think you are being appreciated. Maybe it goes both ways though… I don’t know. If you’re working long hard hours, you need some time to relax. Have you talked to your dad about it?
What surprised me is that he e-mailed you to say all that… what’s up with that. Did he ever talk to you about it himself?
He e-mailed me because he was at work and wouldn’t be home until tomorrow night… He was basicly saying I need to do more this weekend while they are away if I want to get a drive to the concert next Sunday… So I am making an effort to do more(because I’m sure as hell not missing OLP and Buck 65)… It did seem odd that he would have to say it in an e-mail…