free to speak without fear,
free to worship in my own way,
free to stand for what I think right,
free to oppose what I believe wrong,
or free to choose those who shall govern my country.
This heritage of freedom
I pledge to uphold
for myself and all mankind.
(Extract from the Canadian Billl of Rights)
It’s been said that Canadians are simply disarmed Americans with health care.
Bill vs. Cheque: Canadians ask for the bill.
Brown bread: When you order toast, you can get white toast or brown toast. Brown toast doesn’t mean “really toasted.” It means whole-wheat bread.
Click: Canadian slang for kilometre. “I drove 50 clicks last week.”
College: A Canadian college is very different from an American college. An American college is a limited version of a university, one that can grant only bachelor’s degrees. A Canadian college can only grant diplomas, although many of the older colleges now grant degrees and are actually called university colleges. Adding to the confusion, colleges in Quebec are known as cegeps.
Homo milk: This has nothing at all to do with niche marketing. Homo milk is homogenized milk, called whole milk in the States.
Humidex: A term referring to the combined effect of heat and humidity on temperature. So weather announcers will say that it is 28 degrees today, but with the humidex it feels like 33.
Loonie or loony: This is a colloquialism for Canada’s dollar coin. The plural is loonies. The nickname comes from the loon on the coin.
Phone: One of our Internet penpals tells us that Americans don’t phone each other, they call instead. Canadians can do either. (and hey, a Canadian invented the phone, so we’re right, damnit 😉 )
Poutine: Poutine is a cholesterol-rich Canadian “delicacy” consisting of French fries covered in cheese curds and gravy.
Railroads vs. railways: Canadians prefer railways.
Reserve vs. reservation: American Indians may live on reservations. Canadian Indians may live on reserves.
Riding: In Canada’s Parliament and in provincial assemblies, elected members represent ridings, roughly equivalent to congressional districts in the United States.
Smarties: Apparently, American Smarties are different from ours. Smarties are M&Ms to them. Whether they eat the red ones last or not, we cannot guess.
Soda vs. pop vs. coke: Canadians drink pop. Ask for a soda and you’ll get soda water. Avoid referring to coke unless you mean a product made by Coca-Cola or the drug that was once added to it.
Some vs. somewhat: Some is an adjective, but somewhat is an adverb. “I was somewhat annoyed to see that some of the forks had been stolen.” Unfortunately, there is a wonderful intensifier from Newfoundland, some shocking good, that is eviscerated by this rule.
States: The US of A is almost always referred to as the States, except in writing, when it becomes the US.
Stockholder vs. shareholder: Canadians are usually shareholders. (because we’re nice and like to share?)
Tory: In the US, Tories were supporters of King George during the Revolution. The word connotes villainy. In Canada, these “Tories” are called United Empire Loyalists, or simply Loyalists. Our Tories are members of the Progressive Conservative party. And by coincidence, in many circles, the Canadian word Tory also connotes villainy. (The rarely used equivalent for the Liberals is Grit.)
Two-four: Also called a two-fer, this is a case of 24 bottles of beer.
Washroom: Canadians head for the washroom when they need to use the toilet. Bathrooms are places with bathtubs in them. (Ashley enjoyed this one)
Zed: This is the proper way to pronounce the last letter of the alphabet.
GRAY OR GREY? Canadian spelling is grey.
lineup: line of people; queue
write (a test): take a test
college: community college
elastic: rubber band
(girl) guides: girl scouts
eavestrough: rain gutter on the eaves (edge of the roof) of a house
housecoat: robe or bathrobe
postal code: zip code
THINGS YOU’LL ONLY FIND IN CANADA
Food
poutine – French fries covered with cheese curds and gravy
ketchup chips – believe it or not
vinegar on fries – especially fish & chips
nanaimo bar – a multilayer brownie and icing
milk in a bag – comes in a group of 3 bags
Brands
Smarties – something like M&Ms
Crispy Crunch – chocolate bar
Coffee Crisp – chocolate bar
Caramilk – chocolate bar
Shreddies – cereal
Other
toonie (or twoonie) Canadian two-dollar coin (since 1996)
toque (or tuque) woollen, usually pointed cap worn in the winter
civic holiday a day off work for no good reason
MEDIA THAT IS POPULAR IN CANADA BUT NOT IN THE US
David Wilcox – not the american folk singer, the canadian blues guitarist and poet
The Tragically Hip – sell out multi-day festivals in canada, play 100-person bars in the US
Canada uses the metric system, although canadians quote their height and wieght in feet/inches and pounds.
For measuring temperature, Canada uses celcius (rather than fahrenheit).
Canada does celebrate thanksgiving, but in October (as opposed to the US thanksgiving in November). Is this to provide more shopping days for christmas? Either way, the Canadian holiday does not at all revolve around football.(And I say thank the gods for that!!!)
Although there are many differences in prices of things between US and Canada, two that stand out are the after-exchange lower prices of electronics in the US, and the far lower prices of CDs in Canada. Also, there is a pricing inversion for CDs such that in the US the older CDs are the cheapest, while in Canada it is the newest releases that are usually on sale.
The drinking age in Canada is 19 in most provinces, and 18 in Alberta, Manitoba, and Quebec. Note that the provinces where it is 18 alternate as you go west to east. Coincidence?
Soda/pop is made with corn syrup in the US, and sugar in Canada—this changes the taste significantly.
Canadian inventions: ski-doos, jet-skis, velcro, zippers, insulin, penicillin, zambonis, the telephone, short wave radios, robertson screws (square hole)
Some things that are really cool and unique in or about Canada:
Crispy Crunch.
Smarties.
McIntosh toffee bars.
Red Rose tea (Only in Canada ….Pity!).
Timbits
The size of Canadian footballs and football fields and, one less down.
Lacrosse is Canadian.
Hockey is Canadian.
Basketball is Canadian.
Ogopogo is Canadian (Ogopogo, a distant and less-famous relative of the Lock Ness Monster, is said to sill live in Lake Okanagan, B.C.)
Molson’s (beer) is Canadian.
The biggest flags ever seen at the Olympic closing ceremonies were Canadian (twice…and the second one was smuggled in against a rule that was made because of the first one).
Way better beer commercials here.
Much Music kicks MTV’s ass.
Tim Horton’s kicks Dunkin Donut’s ass.
Maple Syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworth’s ass (I don’t know about Aunt Jemima).
In the war of 1812 we burned the White house and most of Washington.
Canada has the largest French population in the world that never surrendered to Germany.
Our “Civil war” was led by a drunken, insane William Lyon McKenzie.
Our civil war was a bar fight that lasted a little less than an hour.
The only person arrested and hanged after our civil war was an American mercenary who slept in and missed the whole fight, showing up just in time to get caught.
The Hudson Bay company once owned 1/11th of the Earth’s surface.
The average dog sled team can kill and devour a grown human in less than three minutes.
We wear socks (black ones, if possible) with our sandals. I DO!!! HELL YEAH!
We knew plaid flannel was cool way before Seattle did.
We can out-drink most Americans.
We don’t marry our kinfolk.
The light bulb was actually invented by a Canadian. (Henry Woodward patented it in 1874). The patent was bought by some obscure American named Edison who improved upon the design and took credit for inventing it.
Other Canadian inventions include: duct tape, insulin, walkie talkies, roller skates, Superman, air-conditioned vehicles, acrylics, standard time (and daylight saving time), the paint-roller, the radio compass, snowmobiles, jet skis, improved zippers, and the handles on cardboard beer cases, etc.,etc., etc. (there are thousands more!)
We wear socks (black ones, if possible) with our sandals. I DO!!! HELL YEAH!
Maple Syrup kicks Mrs. Butterworth + Aunt Jemima’s asses.
In the war of 1812 we burned the White house and most of Washington.(and I know many Americans who would love the chance to do the same 😉 )
You know you’re Canadian if :
You stand in “line-ups” or “queues” (in Victoria, BC) at the movie, not lines.
You’re not offended by the term, “Homo Milk”.
You understand the sentence, “Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my
BOWL OF POUTINE” !
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You have a Prime Minister who isn’t fluent in either of the official languages (English & French).
You know what it means to be ‘on the pogey’.
You know that a mickey and 2-4’s mean “Party at the camp, eh?!”
You can drink legally while still a teen in some provinces.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don’t know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it’s just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars (and no Americans!).
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You’re not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don’t WANT to know if he has!
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Mounties “don’t always look like that.”
You dismiss all beers under 6% as “for children and the elderly.”
You know that the Friendly Giant isn’t a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You drive with your headlights on during the day (since 1989, all new cars have been fitted with “daytime running lights”).
You participated in “Participaction.”
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, “What’s good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me.”
You wonder why there isn’t a 5 dollar coin yet.
Like any international assasin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian Passport.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing ‘u’s from labor, honor, color. etc.
You know the French equivalents of “free”, “prize”, and “no sugar added”, thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram’s “Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo” opus.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You were mad at the CBC when “The Beachcombers” were taken off the air.
You know who “Relic” is/was.
You know what a touque is and you own one and often wear it.
You have heard of … and have some cherished momento of Bob and Doug McKenzie.
You still sing the “Great White North” theme song with pride … “coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo”.
You know Toronto is NOT a province.
You never miss “Coach’s Corner” during Hockey Night in Canada.
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
If you live in some of the colder Canadian provinces, your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill … it’s a block heater for those sub-zero (in Celsius) days.
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire Store on any Saturday is busier than most toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You’ve taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with frozen snow and slush.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head South to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won’t prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper now that there are no more dollar bills.
The major parish fund-raiser isn’t bingo, it’s sausage making.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You perk-up when you hear the theme from “Hockey Night in Canada”.
You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet “zed” instead of “zee.”
It is wonderful to feel the grandness of Canada in the raw, not because she is Canada but because she’s something sublime that you were born into, some great rugged power that you are a part of. – Emily Carr (1871-1945)