in General

Evolution Recount

I’ve settled into a new life that includes my new home and job. It’s been a very easy transition, with only a few setbacks that I had to deal with. I’m happy with the changes this has allowed me and I find myself looking forward to each day more than I have for many months.
Where I want to take my life is still in question for me. I know the general direction I wish to move in, one that will allow me to create something that will have true value for the world. That’s incredibly vague though, isn’t it? That’s why for now I’ll continue my learning and building of a foundation that will allow me to construct the life I decide upon. Whatever I choose, I’m feeling very determined and positive that I can provide a healing influence in the world. Finding an outlet is the key.
The year and a half that I’ve been away from formal schooling, last at Dalhousie Univeristy, has been the most rewarding learning period in my memory. For me, it’s the best path I could have picked, as I needed time to discover a number of things about myself and the world. I know I wouldn’t have if I’d remained on the course I set for myself when I left high school.
While taking a degree in Computer Science it should have been obvious to me that I was taking my life in a negative direction. When I began university my motivation for choosing that degree was money, plain and simple. The field was looking like it would offer me a well paying job and I had an aptitude with computers, so I dove into it.
By the middle of my second year I was feeling depressed about the direction I was headed and that drove my grades down with my spirit. For a time I was in denial of the mistake I had made, caught up in the life-long myth that university is the only path to a successful life, convinced that career opportunites must be a primary concern.
One catalyst for my realization that I was on the wrong path came from a surprising source. My favourite teacher during high school was my grade twelve English teacher. I admired his insight and personality, and I believe his concern for his students was as sincere as that of any teacher I’ve ever had. I ran into him at a grocery store several times during my second year of university and talked a short while about my education. He was surprised that I hadn’t taken some sort of art, as that had always been my strength and deepest love (despite focusing on sciences in high school, taking 2 years each of biology, chemestry and physics). When I took the time to consider his words, I too was surprised at where I was headed.
Weighed down with the prospect of dissapointing my family and taking the risk of leaving school for a time, I continued with the degree until the end of that second year. Over the summer break I finally decided to leave school.
That summer I delved into a spiritual exploration and self-discovery, renewing interests and loves I had burried during my university life. I began to study eastern religions and philosophies with more depth and enthusiasm than I had in my high school days and discovered Taoism. It was exactly what I needed at that point, a practical spiritual system without contradictions or unnecessary dogma and a richness of natural associations.
Over the following year I struggled to find work and resolve personal conflicts that were contributing to my stagnation and depression. I made great advancements in forming a worldview and selfview that is positive and harmonious, growing more so as I learn.
Today I feel perpared to move forward on a new path, enriched with the mental and physical resources that I need to accomplish any goal I set before myself. Creating change in the world doesn’t seem so impossible.

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