I’ve settled into a new life that includes my new home and job. It’s been a very easy transition, with only a few setbacks that I had to deal with. I’m happy with the changes this has allowed me and I find myself looking forward to each day more than I have for many months.
Where I want to take my life is still in question for me. I know the general direction I wish to move in, one that will allow me to create something that will have true value for the world. That’s incredibly vague though, isn’t it? That’s why for now I’ll continue my learning and building of a foundation that will allow me to construct the life I decide upon. Whatever I choose, I’m feeling very determined and positive that I can provide a healing influence in the world. Finding an outlet is the key.
The year and a half that I’ve been away from formal schooling, last at Dalhousie Univeristy, has been the most rewarding learning period in my memory. For me, it’s the best path I could have picked, as I needed time to discover a number of things about myself and the world. I know I wouldn’t have if I’d remained on the course I set for myself when I left high school.
While taking a degree in Computer Science it should have been obvious to me that I was taking my life in a negative direction. When I began university my motivation for choosing that degree was money, plain and simple. The field was looking like it would offer me a well paying job and I had an aptitude with computers, so I dove into it.
By the middle of my second year I was feeling depressed about the direction I was headed and that drove my grades down with my spirit. For a time I was in denial of the mistake I had made, caught up in the life-long myth that university is the only path to a successful life, convinced that career opportunites must be a primary concern.
One catalyst for my realization that I was on the wrong path came from a surprising source. My favourite teacher during high school was my grade twelve English teacher. I admired his insight and personality, and I believe his concern for his students was as sincere as that of any teacher I’ve ever had. I ran into him at a grocery store several times during my second year of university and talked a short while about my education. He was surprised that I hadn’t taken some sort of art, as that had always been my strength and deepest love (despite focusing on sciences in high school, taking 2 years each of biology, chemestry and physics). When I took the time to consider his words, I too was surprised at where I was headed.
Weighed down with the prospect of dissapointing my family and taking the risk of leaving school for a time, I continued with the degree until the end of that second year. Over the summer break I finally decided to leave school.
That summer I delved into a spiritual exploration and self-discovery, renewing interests and loves I had burried during my university life. I began to study eastern religions and philosophies with more depth and enthusiasm than I had in my high school days and discovered Taoism. It was exactly what I needed at that point, a practical spiritual system without contradictions or unnecessary dogma and a richness of natural associations.
Over the following year I struggled to find work and resolve personal conflicts that were contributing to my stagnation and depression. I made great advancements in forming a worldview and selfview that is positive and harmonious, growing more so as I learn.
Today I feel perpared to move forward on a new path, enriched with the mental and physical resources that I need to accomplish any goal I set before myself. Creating change in the world doesn’t seem so impossible.
Where I want to take my life is still in question for me. I know the general direction I wish to move in, one that will allow me to create something that will have true value for the world. That’s incredibly vague though, isn’t it? That’s why for now I’ll continue my learning and building of a foundation that will allow me to construct the life I decide upon. Whatever I choose, I’m feeling very determined and positive that I can provide a healing influence in the world. Finding an outlet is the key.
The year and a half that I’ve been away from formal schooling, last at Dalhousie Univeristy, has been the most rewarding learning period in my memory. For me, it’s the best path I could have picked, as I needed time to discover a number of things about myself and the world. I know I wouldn’t have if I’d remained on the course I set for myself when I left high school.
While taking a degree in Computer Science it should have been obvious to me that I was taking my life in a negative direction. When I began university my motivation for choosing that degree was money, plain and simple. The field was looking like it would offer me a well paying job and I had an aptitude with computers, so I dove into it.
By the middle of my second year I was feeling depressed about the direction I was headed and that drove my grades down with my spirit. For a time I was in denial of the mistake I had made, caught up in the life-long myth that university is the only path to a successful life, convinced that career opportunites must be a primary concern.
One catalyst for my realization that I was on the wrong path came from a surprising source. My favourite teacher during high school was my grade twelve English teacher. I admired his insight and personality, and I believe his concern for his students was as sincere as that of any teacher I’ve ever had. I ran into him at a grocery store several times during my second year of university and talked a short while about my education. He was surprised that I hadn’t taken some sort of art, as that had always been my strength and deepest love (despite focusing on sciences in high school, taking 2 years each of biology, chemestry and physics). When I took the time to consider his words, I too was surprised at where I was headed.
Weighed down with the prospect of dissapointing my family and taking the risk of leaving school for a time, I continued with the degree until the end of that second year. Over the summer break I finally decided to leave school.
That summer I delved into a spiritual exploration and self-discovery, renewing interests and loves I had burried during my university life. I began to study eastern religions and philosophies with more depth and enthusiasm than I had in my high school days and discovered Taoism. It was exactly what I needed at that point, a practical spiritual system without contradictions or unnecessary dogma and a richness of natural associations.
Over the following year I struggled to find work and resolve personal conflicts that were contributing to my stagnation and depression. I made great advancements in forming a worldview and selfview that is positive and harmonious, growing more so as I learn.
Today I feel perpared to move forward on a new path, enriched with the mental and physical resources that I need to accomplish any goal I set before myself. Creating change in the world doesn’t seem so impossible.
7 comments on “Evolution Recount”
Apollo: how about going to see the Incredibles on thu or wen?
I need to use my free movies! (no I cannot yet get others in for free)
That sounds like an acceptable idea. I can also give you the Drider then. Are there any other movies that might be seeable as well? If you haven’t, check out Saw, it’s notbadness.
Wirtanen was by far, the best teacher SCHS had to offer. ‘Nuff said about that.
I know how it feels, though, Apollo. I took a year of university…Engineering to be exact. I wanted to be an Engineer because I was truly interested in it, and frankly, the money is good. I flunked out due to problems with my roommate. I took a year off to work and came back this year, same program. Honestly, I’ve been regretting it. Big time. I just have no urge to do classes, and it really bothers me deep down. A part of me doesn’t want to be here, but the real big thing holding me here is the fact that I feel like I’d disappoint my family by not doing anything ‘productive’. Sucks, eh?
Oh well…and by the way…
“a practical spiritual system without contradictions”
Have you even read the Tao Te Ching? It’s full of nothing but contradictions. =D Just pointing that out. ^_~ Anyways, Taoism is a good way to go. I’ve personally been a Taoist for about 3 years now, part of the Heavenly Masters sect. It’s the only thing I’ve ever found that closely resembles the beliefs I have about life, and death, and everything in between.
Wirtanen was really great. I wouldn’t say he was alone in being a great teacher at SCHS, but he was my favourite.
Well, I think your case is different than mine. If you really do have an interest in engineering, then what is making you not wish to go to classes? Maybe finding that out will help you make a real decision about staying or leaving, maybe solving the troubles you’ve had. Not disappointing your family shouldn’t be a reason to hold you back from doing what’s best for you, whatever that may be.
I have read the Tao Te Ching (several versions, several times), and didn’t see any contradictions. Nuances, but not contradictions. Can you point some out?
I don’t subscribe to sects or dogmas myself. I take the core book and interpret it as best I can, learning whatever else I can to increase my understanding.
The copy of the Tao Te Ching that I have is alittle less subtle in pointing out ‘contradictions’….but I see now that you’re ‘nuances’ probably suit it better, now that I think about it. Just more of a way things are worded that at first seem conflicting, but with more thought opens it up some.
As for the sects and dogmas, the only major thing that the Heavenly Masters promotes is confessions. Not the same as a Christian or Catholic confession though. Done in private and through meditation, it’s a confession to oneself, to cleanse the soul and promote humility.
And as for school…I honestly don’t know. I have an incredible interest to be an Engineer, and it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time, but as soon as I wake up in the morning, it’s almost like a kick to the face, and I realize that I don’t want to go to classes, and ‘waste my time’ there. I guess it’s really just a matter of finding my focus and going from there.
Which version do you have? I need to remember to make a list of the versions I’ve read. Ursula Le Guin’s interpretation is one I’m really looking forward to reading. It’s supposed to be very good.
Oh, the confession policy seems like a good one. It’s something I’ve found in various approaches to meditation.
Yeah, I think it is a matter of focus, and perhaps motivation. Maybe there’s something you could start doing that would motivate you, maybe applying some of what you’ve learned in a proactive manner. Engineer something that wouldn’t take a lot of money but could give you something concrete to use as an outlet for your interest.
I just thought of an interesting political analogy. Kerry is to Taoism as Bush is to book-based Christianity. Nuance versus contradiction.