I want to take a minute to say thanks to Apollo for talking me through a really rough time tonight. Tonight is the first time in a very long time that I have actually been depressed enough to think about doing something really stupid. Laying in bed at 10pm, I decided I just don’t want to be alive anymore, and thought about saying goodbye. Deciding against doing something irreversible, I decided that music what the problem in my life, and gave serious consideration to selling my entire music collection and never singing again. I’m not gonna get into details of why, but it was a series of things, and it left me in a worse place then before…
I came online to update my journal, and Apollo read it. He messeged me and we talked for a while, and by the end of our convcersation I was laughing and joking. I’m not completely sure what I would have done had he not been online last night. I may not be writing this right now… sadly, I really wonder if I would be…
This has made me extremely greatful to Apollo, and also made me realize what a situation I am actually in, and how it isn’t normal. So I talked to mom tonight, and I’m going to see about getting councilling, and possibly, if completely necessary, I may be seeking to get serious treatment, possibly as an in-patient. I don’t think that’s necessary, but if it comes to that I will…
So what got me this upset? The scary part is, it was really nothing. What should have been a minor disappointment nearly pushed me over the edge. So, i’m gonna get some help.
The scariest part is, when going through me head as to why I shuld do it, I found more logical reasons for the act, then for living. That scares me, and for that reason I think treatment is needed.
So, thanks Apollo fpr getting me through tonight, and helping me see what was necessary to get me through the rest of this.
1 comment on “Wanda”
Aww. 😀