This sort of interaction has little appeal to me, to be honest. I’m not a partier, I don’t consume any drugs, and I don’t know many of the people here. There have been some interesting moments, but overall I’ve been wandering and sitting more than anything else. I’d spend time with people I know in a heartbeat, but I don’t enjoy the company of people of the sort who usually form the core of parties such as this.
I did enjoy going to a beach and playing frisbee earlier in the day, however. I haven’t been swimming since last year with Ashley, so it was something I had missed. I rarely am around other people who would be interested in casual sport, so the playing of frisbee was also welcome.
Since I’ve been bored for most of the night, I’ve been thinking of mostly things quite unrelated to partying. I’ve been thinking especially of my situation and the situations of others I love, and thinking of how I might help improve each of them. I haven’t come up with any answers, so perhaps my disengagement from the center of activity here is not of value.
Just now, one guest here talked with me about classic literature. He mentioned his theories on literature in general and suggested I read some books by T. S. Elliot. I found it surprising that he would have interest in such things, because I allowed his outward appearance of a stoner (he offered weed to everyone, which I of course declined, so there was reason for me to believe he was a stoner) to color my first impression of him. I did have a positive impression of him from the start, but I applied a template and assumed what his interests might be. For that I feel quite disappointed in myself for casting such judgement. Usually I feel I don’t permit prejudice to influence how I view others, so this is rather troubling to me.
It’s now 4:30 a.m. I found it difficult to sleep, so I ended up sitting with the fellow I mentioned earlier, and a girl who is a dancer. We talked for a while about art and artistic careers and various other topics. It was certainly the highlight of the evening. I always find it easier to relate to people in smaller groups and let my guard down. I found that he was quite insightful and we had some good conversation.
As I was typing this, he passed through and made mention of my tendency to stand on the edge while the center of the party was near me, and admonished me for doing that in a way that seemed to hold more compassion than condemnation. It has prompted me to look again at why I tend to disengage around behaviour and personalities I find unappealing. Other than my rather minor social anxiety, I can’t find a cause.
As a side note, I hate mosquitos.