Losing hope feeds loss. Without hope one can lose their grip on the very things that grant it, and on the things we hold most dear. Loss, of course, feeds feelings of hopelessness. It’s a tricky cycle to end.
How does one best shield oneself from pains in relationships? As I see it now, awareness ahead of time is key. It is best not to give oneself false hope, but to rather be aware of as many factors as we can in order to recognize real hope.
In friendships we need to anticipate the needs and actions of those we care so much for in order to best help them when help is needed and to aviod being hurt by their choices. We can not realize a full love for someone and not recognize the complexities of their personality, all their flaws and glories. Through this recognition we have the ability to know when those we love are making choices that have potential to hurt us. We can also see when they are being hurt themselves and find ways to ease that hurting. In all this we need to recognize the need of all people to have personal choices and to enact their free will. We can not force people to make wise choices, merely be good council.
How is hope retained in this awareness of others if we are anticipating hurt? That’s the flaw in an approach that only attempts to shield. A full awareness of another person also looks the the glories of a person. When we enter into a friendship with anyone we see some aspect of them that appeals to us, and hopefully learn of many other positive aspects of that person as we come to know them. In relationships with people who live positively, we gain a tremendous amount. While there is always potential for hurt in any relationship, the ones which benefit us minimaliz that risk and offer us hope. Hope is embued in the potential for good of the people we interact with, and those who live well and share love with us justify hope.
Cyclicly, noble acts (by ourselves and by others) feed hope and hope enables us to commit to noble acts. As a counter to the senseless wandering of loss-hopelessness we have the holy-hope dance-march to guide us forward.
It’s no simple task, surely, but one of the greatest and most noble skills one can learn is to know another as compeletely as possible, and to brave hurt in order to help and be helped by that one. When the same is returned in kind the greatest of relationships are formed. In this we are, to continue the metaphor, dancing together, providing hope to each other and continuing the journey on a cycle that benefits rather than harms and not allowing the other cycle to be reborn.
4 comments on “Thoughts on Loss and Hope”
Hope is hard to find sometimes. My best friend is being shipped out to Iraq in less than 2 months. I have a brother on the list to be shipped out in January. I love them and I might lose them. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel in situations like these.
It’s hard for me to comment to your entries anymore, Apollo. You’re very angry about the war. So am I. I would give my life to end it if I could, but I can’t. You blame the soldiers, all of them, and you don’t see the other side. Most of them would give anything not to be involved in this. My brother is a good person and so is my friend. John installs radars. Hector is a communications technician. They don’t run around killing people on a daily basis nor do they plan to. Hector is scared to go. He’s 6 feet tall and over 200lbs of muscle, but he’s still scared. Every time I see the news my heart starts racing. I don’t want to lose anyone to this mess any more than the Iraqi people want to lose their loved ones.
I don’t blame you for being angry. So am I. It’s just that the Iraqi people are not the only ones being hurt by this, most Americans are against it, and you seem to be judging all of us by our president and the choices he has made. I may be mis-judging you on this, but this is what I’ve been seeing in your posts lately. It’s hard for me to call you on this, but I feel that I have to.
Still your friend, always your friend,
Mandy
I do care about your feelings toward your best friend and brother. I very much wish them to be safe and out of harm’s way, just as I wish the same for you and everyone. I know it has to be hard to deal with them being sent into the conflict in Iraq (or is one going to Afganistan?).
I’m sorry you assumed I am angry. I am really not. I’m frustrated, but I’ve learned to deal with fear well enough to disarm my anger most of the time. Now, I’m trying to do what I can to help with the situation, whatever small work I can do.
You are wrong to assume I blame all soldiers of either side of this conflict. I hold the acts of violence and hate as the most vile anyone can commit, but I know that many good people can be fooled into committing them. I have in the past and most people I know have as well. It’s not as if anyone is innocent in that regard, even if we were but children when we reacted in that way. Yes, killing is vile, but sometimes delusions can cloud our judgement even that greatly, and I don’t hold people who act with what they perceive as compassion as blameful for being part of this war, only unaware of the cyclical nature of violence and hate.
Again, you are wrong to assume I blame all or even most Americans for the invasion and occupation of other nations. Yes, I believe most are unaware of what is happening in the world. I have been presented no contrary evidence to this. Most Americans still support Bush and have not voiced outrage at being mislead in this invasion. I have to assume this is because of blindness and ignorance – if I were to believe most people embraced apathy, injustice and violence willingly and with awareness I would have need to condemn most people in the western world. I can’t blame anyone for blindness, just do what I can to help ease it.
I don’t know how you came to believe I blame Americans for Bush. I can balme you no more than I can blame the Iraqis for Saddam. Yes, through apathy or inaction both Americans and Iraqis allowed vile leadership, but as I said, I can’t believe most people are aware of what they are doing.
I know many, many wonderful people who are Americans, and I count you as one of them. I feel quite bad that you have misinterpreted what I have written to imply anything I did not mean. I do take this as a personal failing if I was unable to be clear in my intent and message. To be honest, though, I can’t find where I even voiced anything that could be seen to place blame or condemn anyone. Looking in my journal for the few weeks I couldn’t find it. Could you let me know anything specific that lead you be believe what you did?
They are both going directly to Iraq.
No, it wasn’t anything specific in your entries, it was just a general feeling I was getting from your wording (“American Imperialism” was one, I think). It just sounded to me like you hadn’t voiced the view of the other side (ie. the Americans that are very clearly against the war and being affected by it).
My kid brother John is only 23 and Hector is 24 (exactly 4 days older than I am). They’re both brilliant men that joined the military because they couldn’t afford to go to college otherwise. They’re not the only ones, either. My upstairs neighbor has a one-month-old baby and came on leave to see her, but he’s shipping back this week. Hector’s little brother (who is only 19) already spent a year over there and is only home because their mother is dying of cancer. Their mother is dying and her boys have to go fight a war they don’t believe in. It hurts and it’s unfair and frustrating. Out of my brother David’s circle of close friends, two thirds have shipped out or will be going soon and we thank God every day that he shattered his ankles in basic training and was given an honorable discharge or he’d have shipped out immediately after 9/11 with the rest of his unit.
It’s like a huge black cloud that never dissipates. I love my brother and I love Hector (heck, I think I might even be in love with Hector), and that’s why it hurts so much.
Thank you for clarifying your point of view.
*hugs*
The situation of all the people you know who are involved in this are very unfortunate. Hector and his brother’s situation seems quite terrible. When people we love are affected by things like this it’s always difficult.
My cousin, who has 4 children, was almost sent to Afganistan on a peacekeeping mission a year or so ago and everyone was really worried about that, so I can relate to your feelings in part.
I hope things will unfold in a fortunate way for you and the ones you love.
*hugs*