Polyamory (from poly=multiple + amor=love) is a tricky subject, often because of a pre/trans fallacy. There are at least two approaches that accept polyamoury, one coming from “fuck you, I’ll sleep with anyone I want” and the other “these relationships we enter into are beneficial to us all and brimming with genuine love.” The two can easily be confused if one doesn’t know how to discern the difference in intent.
I experienced the feeling of and desire for polyamory with my first romantic and sexual stirrings. My first crush was on two best friends and ever since then my affections and tenderness were always twinned. Kira and Becky, Alicia and Jenna, and on my school crushes went. When I fell in love and had relationships later, I found that any love I felt did not diminish as I moved forward with new loves. Though the context changed, I have been blessed with loving friendships in the wake of romantic relationships. I thank my polyamorous tendencies for facilitating that, in part. Having an openness toward loving has become included as a vital aspect of my personality.
I’ve never actually practiced polyamory by having two intimate relationships at once, and it becomes a more challenging prospect as my moral understanding deepens. When we are taking into account everyone’s well being, stepping into multiple perspectives, avoiding harm and ensuring benefit for everyone is incredibly challenging. I have never been in a situation where I could say with certainty that being in relationships with two women would be best for us all, and so have remained, happily, in monogamy.
The openness to that happening remains. As Gary of Integral in Seattle pointed out in “Sacred Marriage“, higher levels of relationships are facilitating transformation and growth through intimacy. If the union of two people committed to that intimate evolution is so beautiful and beneficent it leaves us shattered in awe, what of more than two? Love becomes without boundary, and that includes both span (who we love) and depth (how deeply we love). Being in service of love then becomes about being skillful in how we act from love. I can only hope to be up to the challenge of love, however it arises.
a Poem.The Universe smiles her name.
She lives within me.
In every star,
in every flower,
every breath of a breeze,
in everyone I meet.She is the essence of Love,
the BE-ing of Buddha,
the Salvation of Jesus,
the Glory of the Goddess.I am the Consort of the Goddess.
I am the one who adores her.
I am that she is.
– Gary Stamper, “Consort of the Goddess“